Oh God that's a new one

My mom ordered an ebook on the internet. She just got a letter from customs stating that a packet of cocaine was found in her parcel, and she has to call them within 5 days or an arrest warrant would be issued.
The damn letter was sent exactly 5 days ago…
We’re on our way to the police to clear things up. She’s stressing hard and so do I.
Just what a 76 year old woman with a heart condition who’s never so much as received a parking ticket in her life needs.


Hope everything will be allright…
What I’m interested in is how can one order an ebook in a physical parcel :thinking:

ebook reader sry

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I’m sure you’ll be able to clear things up :slight_smile:

Bleh… We’re back home. The fuzz turned us away and told us to call the number on the letter. Which I did, and the customs officer told me to call back in half an hour.

Yeah no worries there. The only thing my mom is likely to smuggle is balls of yarn to knit on the cheap.

What worries me most is, while all this idiocy is happening, her blood pressure has shot up to 100/200.


Okay sorted out - at least temporarily.

Apparently they found like half a k of snow in baggies hidden in a shipment of leather products, addressed to my mom. I told them there must be a mistake, cuz she ordered an ebook reader. Gave 'em the name of the retailer in France, order number and all that jazz. The customs officer said it matched the manifest, but not the content.

The guy was really nice though. He wasn’t really worried about nothing: he said it’s the procedure, the letter is a boilerplate thing they send automatically, but a 76 year old woman whose immigration status cleared only a few weeks ago ain’t likely to be no Pablo Escobar. And I was willing to come forward and give my name and national number too, and explain things on her behalf, so I wasn’t too likely to be a culprit either.

He told me he was going on holiday for 3 weeks (he’s really not concerned that she might be a horrible criminal, clearly :slight_smile:), not to worry about a raid from the police, and that he’d call me back on Oct 22 to schedule an interview with my mom in the presence of an official translator, so she can give an official statement. Because, procedure…

His best guess is that someone working at the packaging department of that retailer intended to send the powder to someone else and got his labels mixed up. Cuz sending my mom that stuff makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, as whoever is the real recipient will have no chance of recovering the goods at any point.

Anyhow, my mom feels better. What a fucking nuisance…


Maybe she’s upset that her operation has been rumbled and she’s lost 40 grand worth of gear?

Nah, glad it’s nothing. Wild story to be able to tell once all is sorted.


Yeah well, it’s not over yet. I have to drive her to the customs office at the city port, meaning I’ll have to take time off work. She can’t walk very well and she tires quickly, so I hope it’s not too far from the parking place. Not to mention, she had one hell of a worry today. And she didn’t get her ebook reader…

She and I could do without this crap, just because one screwball decided to send her something illegal. The only uptick, if you can call it that, is if I ever want to make someone’s life miserable with perfect immunity, I’ve learned how to do it today.


Jeeez thats mental. Hopefully she’s a bit less stressed as you’re on the case !

Wild ride indeed. Not sure if it was better for it to turn up or not but I’m not going to comment aha.

This is perfect, actually. You’ll never loose the shoes argument again.

That won’t stop her :slight_smile: But I bet she’ll accept being “seen next to a hobo” when I drive her to the customs office this once.

I work for a major online retailer named after a river in south amercia which I can’t name and helped launch a customer returns warehouse for them. The number of packages coming in with drugs and weapons was absolutely astounding. Due to the volume of packages, everything gets opened then placed on a conveyor for someone to process, so most of the time the person opening the boxes kind of zones out and doesn’t really check who it is addressed to. Once the person inspecting the returned merch opens it, they realize what’s up. I’ve seen parcels that were accidentally delivered to the warehouse with an old nasty sweatshirt wrapped around a block of weed, I’ve seen pistols wrapped in newspaper, attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion… all sorts of stuff I never would have thought someone would put in the mail…

Sorry for your hassle on this one. As a leatherworker, I have to ask… Do you get to keep the leather at least? :stuck_out_tongue:


Hope they send it back, sans drugs, of course. See who picks it up.

this is honestly the first time i’ve ever heard of any recipient being held legally responsible for anything coming in that was addressed to them… I mean even the “border force” crap drama reality shows that follow around customs people don’t do jack crap about shit found in the mail besides seize it. Imagine the power… I am going to start sending junk coke stomped on with white phospherous to you in the mail with dust all over the outside… and a letter about how you need to update your mind control chip implants so we can continue to securely talk via telepathy… try explaining that one away… 3 times a month… for 6 years… any rando with a grudge could really mess with you this way… seems like a dumb law.


I assume customs got their pants in a knot because she did place an order with that company. It wasn’t sent to her by a random stranger.

I dunno what the recipient is or isn’t responsible for legally here, but here’s how the letter starts (in Finnish):

Muu aihe tai ilmoitettava asia
Tulli on ottanut haltuun ja takavaraikoinut 22.09.2020 nimellä ja osoitteeseenne lähetelyn postilähetyksen, joka sisälsi epäiltyä huumausainetta. Olette rikokista epäiltynä syyllistyneenä huumausainerikokseen. Olkaa hyvä ja ottakaa yhteyttä puhelimitse yhteydenottotiedoissa mainittuun tutkijaan, epoiaksesi kuulusteluajan.

Mikäli et reagoi tähän kehoitukseen teidät etsintäkuulutetaan / teistä tehdään noutomääräys

The rest is even scarier, and I’ll leave it out because copying that shit isn’t exactly easy on a US keybard.

honestly there’s no chance that customs had any idea about the legitimacy of her benign internet ereader order… they aren’t getting regular calls from the local NSA office about the random goings on of international ecommerce orders… they simply saw the packing list or proforma invoice with her name on it and decided to drag her ass into this for no good reason.

“You are a criminal suspect guilty of a drug crime.” pffff… either this is a translation error or I’m suddenly very grateful the USA considers you innocent until proven guilty… even Italy is a “you’re guilty until you can prove a negative” stance toward law enforcement.


Like the customs officer said, it’s a boilerplate. Still, I have no doubt 5-0 might have pulled off a Starsky and Hutch act in other circumstances - like if my mom wasn’t 76 or we lived in a “hot” neighborhood or something.

Whatever the case, believe me she and I had a good scare.

send me the names and addresses of the customs people involved… i’ll send them some “drug crime”.

You jest, but I got a call from the same people when I ordered a bunch of lockpicks from KSEC not long ago. They’re a touchy bunch.

actually i’m as irritated by this application of the law as you might get if you were forced to use google by the government or something… it’s a fucking stupid waste of time and tax money to go after the recipients of such packages since any serious threat to society (major drug importers) are not going to put their own fucking name and address on their packages… and even if they did, is the law so loosely defined there that anyone can slip some shit into a package and potentially destroy some innocent person’s life?