Fun story about being a cyborg

Lounge
#1

Quick story.

We have to watch my nephew for 2 nights so his mother can work. He is 6. He also loves robots. So a few minutes ago, I said “Ryder, can I tell you a secret? I am part robot, I am a cyborg!”

Like any good 6 year old, he called my bluff. So I said I could show him, but he has to keep it secret. I lit up the xLED in my arm, and he just stared at it and said very softly, barely a whisper, “wooooooow”.

I though it was funny, as he thinks I have tons of other abilities now.

Anyone else have interesting stories? Preferably funny ones, or at least funny for us.

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#2

Years before I was chipped, I had my gall bladder yanked out. Part of that entails leaving in a small titanium spring to hold things shut while they heal.

I have two nephews that I like to keep guessing as to whether or not I’m yanking their chain. They live with my Mother, who is (to them) an infallible source of truth.

One day we were discussing stuff, and I just casually dropped it on them that I had had an internal spring installed. To which they promptly called B.S.

The look on their faces when when my Mother confirmed it as fact to them was PRICELESS!
It also kept them on their toes for about a year as to whether or not I was funning them.

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#3

I’m an “incomplete” experimental cyborg - and the doc who did it thought I was a weirdo when I told him I was kind of disappointed. Let me explain:

Two years ago, I got experimental surgery to my stomach. I had a bad case of GERD (acid reflux) for 15 years, and I signed up to be a guinea pig in a research protocol for a new surgical procedure to cure it. The procedure is a novel way to reconstruct the lower oesophageal sphincter, that works better and holds up longer (hopefully) than the traditional Nissen fundoplication procedure.

However, the procedure being new and untested, and since I was patient #1, the surgeons also implanted a pair of electrodes to my LOS. With those electrodes, if they needed, they could reopen me and implant a LOS stimulator connected to the electrodes. The stimulator too is experimental: it’s a device that stimulates the LOS closed until you’re ready to eat. You open your LOS with a remote control one hour before eating, then manually close it again after you’re done eating. The docs figured it’d be a backup solution in case the LOS reconstruction surgery was a total failure - and an occasion to evaluate the stimulator also, of course.

Long story short, after 3 years of pre-op tests, surgery, then 1 year of more post-op tests, my LOS works perfectly again. My GERD disappeared overnight, and I could quit the PPI meds immediately. Total success! And of course, I didn’t need to get the stimulator. But I still have those two electrodes inside me.

At the last visit to the hospital before leaving the protocol, the doc asked me:

“So, it’s all done and it a success. Are you happy?”
“Hell yes,” I said “you’ve given me my life back! But in a way, I’m kind of sad I didn’t get the stimulator”
“Uh? Why? The stimulator would have been a major setback compared to natural LOS functions. You couldn’t have eaten a biscuit without planning a hour ahead!”
“Well yeah, but I was kind of looking forward to having a friggin’ remote to control my stomach.”
…

You should have seen his face :slight_smile:

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Implant to stop sleep apnea
#4

I imagine there will be much fun to be had when payment with them is a possibility, combine that with a xled

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#5

My main gig is at a makerspace (for now) so I meet tons of interesting people. There’s an access control system throughout the building, and I have my credentials programmed to my NExT so I wave myself into every room pretty effortlessly. Oftentimes when people are coming with me through the building, they’ll notice and I always get the same response.

“Wait, what was that you did right there?”

So usually I just tell them I’m a cyborg, quickly show them the implant, and continue with my day like it ain’t no thing.

One day I was showing an acquaintance who runs a wearable technology/e-textiles startup around the building. He sees me wave in, and it was a full-stop moment for him. He asked if I had my card in a hidden sleeve pocket of my jacket (which apparently he sells for just this purpose). I told him no, it was something else. Well, that piqued his curiosity, so he started looking around for cameras and shit, he asked me to do it without my phone in my pocket, it ended up being a few more minutes of him asking questions as we walked around the building before he finally gave up and I told him I was just your friendly neighborhood cyborg. Man, was he floored by the whole ordeal.

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#6

To add onto my story, he tried calling my bluff today.

I wrote the URL for a paw patrol gif toy NeXT, and said they sometimes visit my hand. Let him scan my hand and he laughed when it popped up and goes, “I never knew my uncle was part robot before…” then he lost interest and walked away.

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#7

hah! this is humanity described in a single sentence!

My kiddos are noticing me open the house with my hand, and then they try it and of course nothing happens… we’re still not telling them anything because the oldest is 7 and she’ll probably immediately want one, but 7 is a bit young I think.

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#8

Pretty much…

Do they have any understanding of what you do? Or do you have a cover story like some sort of secret agent :rofl:

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#9

YEP, That is a “nailed it”, sentence right there

Quite the ethical dilemma there!
Have you thought of an appropriate age?
What are the Seattle laws around it?

If mine at 7 had a use, I would.
You could put an RFID lock on her lunch Box
image

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#10

There’s a simple solution for that: give her an RFID sticker to put on her arm or something, and tell her she’ll get the real one when she’s a big girl (and she does well at school of course).

Just like kids who want tattoos, earrings, cars or guns: their parents give them pretends ones, the kids are midly satisfied with the compromise in the short term, and they have something to look forward to.

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#11

hah they know, but it’s kinda like any kid “oh nice… whatever…” and we don’t really talk about it… I just sit in my garage and they play with things under the microscope… for the most part.

Sorta… I mean, maybe 10+ … but this is very subjective, with absolutely zero physiological consideration.

Hah she’s used the keyfob for the door before… a PVC disc or something like that in her coat or something would be pretty sweet :slight_smile:

#12

The issue with kids who have parents with odd jobs is when they’re asked what daddy does: “He makes electronic things that people punch into themselves”. And then if it’s odd enough, you get a visit from the police. My brother did something like that to my father back in the height of the cold war: he overheard my dad working out a deal with a USSR embassy staffer (all legit) and he went on to say my dad worked with the Russians on a special project to his school teacher.

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#13

Alright kids, what do your parents do when they arent home with you?

“My dad makes cyborgs!”

-Probably Amals children

Teacher just dead stares back.

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#14

Adam savage apparently got called by by the FBI when he was working on a Thermal Detonator for Starwars…
FlatBlackandwhiteAmurminnow-size_restricted

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#15

Years ago…

I had a shop that I did (personal) auto work in, and also a bunch of the weird crap I’m always trying to see if it’ll work. I had a fish tank set up and was trying to copper plate in it. Because people would inevitably stop by and PUT THEIR FINGERS IN THE STRANGE GREEN LIQUID, I had to paint a skull and cross bones on it to protect the poor idiots.

A friend stopped by with one of his buddies that I’d never met. Once he saw the tank, with battery, wires, electrodes, and the freakin jolly roger on it’s side, he starts asking me leading questions, that are obviously drug related. That was the second fastest I’ve ever thrown somebody out of my shop.

Turns out he was a reserve police officer. Who reported his “findings”.
Spent 6 months getting pulled over on every little pretext until they finally figured out I was just a harmless eccentric nut bag.

Strangely enough, after that they totally left me alone.

edit: Sorry, off topic, not cyborgy at all. Just sleep deprived and feeling it.

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#16

I enjoyed the read. Good for you for kicking him out. I used to be a law enforcement officer, I could never do it again.

Did shrooms a couple of times and that changed my outlook on life completely.

Edit:
I really just want fun stories in this thread and that counts. It was related to you doing cyborg work, I assume, don’t tell me otherwise.

Was hoping this will just be a bright spot in all the gloom and doom nowadays.

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#17

Was going to start asking leading questions about shrooms as if I was a police officer but I realised I haven’t a clue about shrooms or law enforcement so it would have been a pretty lame imitation… :sweat_smile:

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#18

I can’t say I reccomend anyone do illegal drugs.

But it is an eyeopener and a gamechanger. Just need an implant I can microdose 1p-LSD from now. That would be great.

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#19

My perspective has changed a little over the years. I’m not interested in it. But, if it’s legal, and it’s not being shoved in my face, what business is it of mine?

Shrooms, however. There is some real intersting stuff being done with treating depression. There was a time when I could have desperately used that.

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#20

Imagine if NZT-48 was real and given to the “correct” people, a lot of great advancements could be made in all facets of life
image

EDIT:
Sorry, that is not fun.
But it is a “fun” movie
image

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