I’m an “incomplete” experimental cyborg - and the doc who did it thought I was a weirdo when I told him I was kind of disappointed. Let me explain:
Two years ago, I got experimental surgery to my stomach. I had a bad case of GERD (acid reflux) for 15 years, and I signed up to be a guinea pig in a research protocol for a new surgical procedure to cure it. The procedure is a novel way to reconstruct the lower oesophageal sphincter, that works better and holds up longer (hopefully) than the traditional Nissen fundoplication procedure.
However, the procedure being new and untested, and since I was patient #1, the surgeons also implanted a pair of electrodes to my LOS. With those electrodes, if they needed, they could reopen me and implant a LOS stimulator connected to the electrodes. The stimulator too is experimental: it’s a device that stimulates the LOS closed until you’re ready to eat. You open your LOS with a remote control one hour before eating, then manually close it again after you’re done eating. The docs figured it’d be a backup solution in case the LOS reconstruction surgery was a total failure - and an occasion to evaluate the stimulator also, of course.
Long story short, after 3 years of pre-op tests, surgery, then 1 year of more post-op tests, my LOS works perfectly again. My GERD disappeared overnight, and I could quit the PPI meds immediately. Total success! And of course, I didn’t need to get the stimulator. But I still have those two electrodes inside me.
At the last visit to the hospital before leaving the protocol, the doc asked me:
“So, it’s all done and it a success. Are you happy?”
“Hell yes,” I said “you’ve given me my life back! But in a way, I’m kind of sad I didn’t get the stimulator”
“Uh? Why? The stimulator would have been a major setback compared to natural LOS functions. You couldn’t have eaten a biscuit without planning a hour ahead!”
“Well yeah, but I was kind of looking forward to having a friggin’ remote to control my stomach.”
You should have seen his face