Just what the title says. I want a ceramic razor blade and a titanium handcuff key surgically implanted into my right hand, deep enough to be hidden, but not so deep that I can’t slice my hand open with a fingernail and push them out to escape from rope, duct tape or handcuffs. Implanting both in one hand would be ideal from a practicality perspective, but possibly not from a medical perspective, in which case I’d want the handcuff key in my right hand and the ceramic razor blade in my left hand. I don’t know much about the feasibility of this, how safe it is, or how to go about doing it. So, I find myself here; in a forum of dangerous things. …Seemed like the right place. 
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Would be really cool, but unfortunately it’s not possible. Maybe see a tiny pocket on the inside of a belt to slip them in at the center of the belt? There’s other options for carrying keys, just use Google and you’ll find plenty of ideas.
Idk, the premise kind of reminds me of Gun Woman.
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I mean, you could probably implant a ceramic razor blade, and even get it out again in a moment of need. The whole process would be fucking terrible though. You’d be constantly cut by it while it’s implanted, and you couldn’t shield the edge to prevent that because you’re relying on the edge to cut it loose when you need it.
As for the handcuff key (lol) you can’t implant it so shallowly that you can free it up with just a fingernail. it would just reject and come out on its own as soon as you did that. You could cut it loose with aforementioned razor blade, but by that point you’re definitely going into shock, and you mine as well just slip your hands out of the cuffs with all the blood you just freed up as lubricant.
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Oohhh I know about this from EMT class lol. Hypovolemic shock! Need to treat with fluids, preferably blood for the hemoglobin, but if you could somehow keep access to normal saline and an IV needle/catheter you could survive a little longer. I can’t remember how well Gun Woman depicted the effects of blood loss. Will have to go back and watch again. But like in the movie, having a someone outside to help get resuscitate you would help.
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So all I have to do is implant some spare saline elsewhere, and I’ll be good!
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@invalid_signal : I’ve never heard of Gun Woman…although I do love my guns, and I am a woman. 
I already keep escape tools in hidden compartments all over my body on my various layers. I’ve been kidnapped six times in my life so far; after the first kidnapping I became kinda obsessed with survivalism, martial arts and escape and evasion…first time I escaped a kidnapping was just sheer dumb luck…the next five times were not lol. 
But yeah; I’m not sure what I would do if I got knocked out, stripped of all my clothing and gear, and handcuffed or chained to the wall in some pervert’s basement somewhere, so I’ve been trying to come up with solutions to that scenario before it happens. Oh, that reminds me; I’d also like to have some diamond wire implanted. I’m very young and very cute; I’m at a much higher-risk of that aforementioned scenario happening lol; probably why getting kidnapped seems to be a pattern for me. 
)
@Satur9 : The ceramic razor blade comes with a little silicone guard on it so that there’s no risk of accidentally cutting yourself with it. I’ve accidentally cut myself on my fingernails before; in an emergency I could easily cut into my hand with them; I have an insanely high pain tolerance lol. I also have extensive training in biofeedback to control involuntary bodily functions like my heart rate and blood pressure; originally I learned it to be able to fake being dead, (I can lower my pulse to barely perceptible levels, and make my body colder on command by meditating on Antarctica), but it’s also useful for not bleeding out as quickly as the average Jane when digging through my flesh for a razor blade, handcuff key, and/or diamond wire saw for cutting through the bars on my cage that some asshole welded to the floor around my bare naked body in his private rape dungeon. #TooKinky4Me #WannaBePrepared4Anything 
At Aox: That’s the spirit! LOL 
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Maybe get a concealed carry firearm…
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@Jonnyswboy : Already have one. 
@invalid_signal : I’m officially going to have to watch Gun Woman now.
You should get a section of pig carcass from a butcher with the skin and everything on and and implant a handcuff key in there using a very long tunnel from the entrance wound so that the hole won’t aid you, then try and get through it with your nails enough to free the key. Not a valid test of your pain tolerance in that situation, but it would at least highlight how tough the tissue is.
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1.) I wouldn’t know how to do it or how far in to put it; I don’t know anything about this subject yet lol.
2.) A human hand would be more accurate; might be able to get one from a University.
It would likely be pretty pricey though; probably at least a few thousand dollars. 
I couldn’t read that and not be curious. Add it to the list of google searches that have me on any number of lists.
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@JPlowman : Just learned about it today myself, as a matter of fact.
Saw it on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver; episode was about organ donors lol.
I am not responsible for any psychological issues or therapy costs.
@invalid_signal Not to worry; I already have half a dozen serious psychological issues, and weekly therapy sessions covered by Medicaid; today’s actually my therapy day, coincidentally lol. 
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Learn to dislocate a thumb for real handcuffs. Zipties and ducttape you can tear / pop with good technique learning to move your hands to the front of you while restrained is a skill. If your hands are in front of you then your unlikely to need to remove the bindings. Most of the time people arnt chained or tied to a pipe or something like movies.
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You’re aware of the size of a handcuff shim right? Seems pretty easy to me to make a biosafe thin flexible shim and then just implant it shallow with something similar to the apex needle. I have a video somewhere of a cartel member that is demonstrating to law enforcement a handcuff escape by pulling a wire out that was concealed in his forearm. I looked everyone online and can’t find it but when I dig it up I’ll post it. Obviously having wire in you for extended periods isn’t ideal 
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@Sh3ll3.T0R : I am aware, and I considered it, but some handcuffs are designed to be shim-proof; far less handcuffs are designed to be key-proof, and most handcuff keys are universal. I also considered a lock pick or safety pin, (my record for getting out of handcuffs with a small safety pin is eight seconds; I don’t really need a shim or a pick), but some handcuffs have anti-picking features, or are designed in such a way that picking is too difficult, (such as with hinged handcuffs). So I figured if I were going to implant a tool in my hand for escaping from handcuffs and/or shackles, I should go with the best one: a key. 
If I could only implant one escape tool in my hand, it would probably be a piece of diamond wire; if it can saw through metal it can probably saw through bindings, and I could stick it in a handcuff keyhole and use the wall of the cuff for leverage to put a small 90° bend in the wire to mimic a handcuff key, turning it left to check for a double-lock before swinging back around to the right to depress the plate to release the arm of the cuff. If it won’t fit in the keyhole, then it could be used to scar a link, making it easier to bind up the chain by giving it something to bite onto, giving you enough leverage to snap the chain under the pressure; steel is super brittle. But yeah…pretty versatile lil piece of wire.
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Ooooh! Thnx for sharing! 
Do you know if they make a titanium version? 
I don’t like metal-detectable escape tools. 