Iâve stayed mostly on the sidelines of this, but I had to say something at this point.
The core of the problem is treating people with respect. Iâm not non-binary, nor am I trans. However, I can still empathize, and put in the tiniest bit of effort to respect their wishes. Itâs not hard. Iâve mistakenly used the wrong pronouns with someone before. Iâve never had a person get mad at me for that, because Iâve done it out of forgetfulness or lack of knowledge, never malice. They simply corrected me, I took down a mental note for later, and we moved on as friends.
I also take issue with this idea of âthis is the way things used to be done, so therefore thereâs nothing wrong with me doing that thing nowâ. Iâm younger, sure, but when I was growing up, gay was still constantly used as a derogatory, as was the aforementioned term for the mentally disabled. The f-slur was used as well for gay people.
I used those terms that way, and to be honest, I struggled a lot with trans people early in my childhood. I didnât have the ability to relate, and as a lot of my peers mocked them, I admittedly did the same. I grew up in an environment where no one I knew was openly trans (although many came out later in life).
However, since Iâm a human being with autonomy and the capacity for introspection, as I expanded my worldview and matured, I changed. I try my best to be as kind to people as I can (until theyâre not deserving of it), but even then, I never disrespect them as a person, or disrespect their identity. I looked at my past behavior, thought âhuh, that was a real dickish thing to do/say, wonât do that againâ, and that was it.
Human brains arenât read-only, they can adapt. When my great uncle continually used sexist, homophobic, derogatory language towards my female cousin (who is bi), and got angry when I told him I was gay, sure that was the state of things when he grew up. If it was the '70s, that would have completely fit the status quo. I think itâs true that itâs hard to judge people outside of the context of their times. However, if they refuse to adapt out of respect for their family, friends, or even the majority of others in the world, that makes them a shitty person. My great uncle was/is shitty, and I cut him out of my life, as did several other family members.
When those âtraditional world viewsâ intrude on their ability to be respected as who they are, yeah, it shouldnât be left in peace. It reminds me all too much of evangelical christians who swear that theyâre being discriminated against for their views. They arenât, people donât like them because theyâre pressing their fucked up standards onto other people, and refusing to respect the way they live their lives.
âTraditionalâ in this case is stuck in the past, in a time where we were harsher to each other. I would like to thing that as much as things can be shitty right now, weâre still at a far net positive compared to even 20 years ago.
I get that people here have disrespected you, for various reasons, but the whole âI can be offensive, deal with itâ combined with not taking any criticism just makes you seem thin-skinned. Willing to dish it out, but not take it. You want us to accept you for the offensive, non-PC man that you are, while simultaneously refusing to accept and respect members of this community (and the discord you hate so much).
I respect you in a technical manner, and think you have a lot of good to offer. Itâs a shame to throw potential collaborators away like this, people that should be your peers. As an example, since theyâre people youâve taken issue with, Satur9 and pac are brilliant people who I would love to work with on any number of projects, but that can never happen if you canât have respect. They have technical knowledge I donât have, and I have knowledge they donât have. In a community like this, collaboration could be such a terrific tool to advance this hobby/field, but thatâs not always possible due to shit like this.
I see youâve claimed âSo longâ while I was typing this, but whatever, still posting.
Me, whoâs spend most of my life working for charitable organizations for the disabled 
