Bears vs. Penguins

Alright, I’m trying to get a larger sample size, who do you think would win in a war?

  • Penguins
  • Bears

0 voters

What sort of bear? Polar Bear? Teddy bear? Big Hairy Homosexual?
Are they the penguins from Madagascar © ( I think they would win, especially Rico )
Do either side have weapons?

Who’s turf? Is it penguins in the forest mountains of Romania or is it a Panda Bears under the Antarctic Ice Shelf
What are the number of combatants we are talking about? Whats the Ratio?
Who holds the high ground…unless they are under water?

I mean I want to help by filling out your important research survey, but I feel I need some more information before I can commit to an answer


All types of bears vs all types of penguins, full on world war style, anywhere and everywhere they meet. Penguins may team up on bears or vice versa, or any other tactics or reasoning you can come up with

Edit: actually, let’s not count big hairy homosexuals this time

1 Like

I was going to ask, because that would give “Team Bears” a clear advantage, I was going to suggest that they could use an icebreaker shipping vessel to take some polar bears to Antarctica which would decimate the penguin population leaving only a few of the southern latitude countries with pockets of resistance.

I’m assuming it also doesn’t count the Chicago Bears, especially William “The Fridge” Perry, I think he could eat a good number of penguins…

OK,I am going to need to think about this some more, Penguins have the superior numbers but the Bears have the size and strength.
I need to calculate how many Penguins it would take to defeat a bear and crunch the numbers


For scientific fairness we’ll say only the 4-legged variety of bears, and only the non-fictional variety of either team


OK, But I think we will need Trump or Putin, to spark a war between them, because the continental separation is going to reduce the chance of a conflict.
Maybe get Trump to tweet some shit about a an Adelle Penguin that fucked a Polar bears mum and see what comes from that…
if that doesn’t work, we can get some of Putins hackers to access the Penguins facebook accounts, and make some false claims to get the penguins in trouble for something they didn’t do, and “accidentally leak” that it came from a Grizzly bears laptop.

I think they have already started in NZ

1 Like

This is the spark of the argument, why do bears and penguins cohabite in so few areas? Bears are a semi-global occurrence, so why not where there’s penguins?

It’s my opinion that penguins are a natural form of bear repellent, in that bears have an instinctual knowledge that penguins could destroy them if they so chose.


To be fair, I am not aware of any Non-Fictional bears with laptops…so this might not be believable…

Interesting theory, I was swaying towards bears because some of them have some mad skills




But now i’m not so sure

Sorry for derailing your scientific research , here is the bump back to the poll, for others that may have charged their minds after hearing some more data points

1 Like

Penguins got this.


I don’t believe that bears would go to a large portion of the world and suddenly decide to stop, it seems clear to me that something stood in their way, and the common denominator is penguins


To add to your theory
NZ for example doesn’t have any snakes but we do have many penguins
Antartica has no snakes, and the majority of penguins live in Antartica
:penguin: :bear: :snake:

giphy (6)

Also have you heard Benedict Cumberbatch say “Penguin”


Hmm, perhaps penguins are even more powerful than I originally gave them credit for…


I think Penguins have the advantage of sheer numbers. I think that the bears will eat lots of them and then die out due to a combination of tooth decay and the bad diet.



For anyone following along, the combined votes inside and outside of the forum so far is 22-12 in favor of bears

I thought the nearly 30:1 numbers and clear group tactic superiority of penguins would sway people, but no luck so far

Quick Bears VS Penguins update:
I’ve officially put too much effort into this! -The new home page for BVP



1 Like

It could just be me, but this part doesn’t read well

"Penguins only have a foot reach of ~2 inches, bears are like 4 feet tall and pure muscle!

1 Like

Well, it is in the “(May not be 100% factually accurate)”
Section hahaha

These are just quotes from them there bear lovers

Ok, well I wasn’t surprised with my search results when my search words were

“Muscle Bear” and safe search turned off.

But I managed to find amongst the Grindr photos, this “accurate” depiction



I give you

An emperor penguin without feathers…